From Chaos to Calm: The Transformative Journey of Surrender

Surrender

Some of the most challenging moments in my life have been made even more challenging by someone else. It’s easy to blame others; I’ve done it many times. But unfortunately, to quote a famous blonde pop star, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” In the past I have had a knack for taking a bad situation — or to be totally honest, sometimes just a slightly uncomfortable one — and making it way worse by creating drama in my head. I know I’m not the only one. I even heard it explained scientifically by someone way smarter than me: it’s ingrained in our DNA to look at the worst-case scenario. It helped humans stay alive in ancient times. You hear a strange noise at night? You grab your kids, flee to the far side of the cave, and pull out your spear for protection while lighting a fire to scare off any wild beasts that might come to ravage your family. This was needed back then.

But now, some of those instincts originally ingrained in our DNA for survival can cause more harm than good. Imagine if you grabbed a spear and started a fire every time you heard a strange noise at night! The ice maker drops ice at 2 AM, and suddenly the house is on fire, and your partner has a spear through their eye. I’m being dramatic, I know, but hopefully, it makes the point. Those instincts that kept us alive for thousands of years can hinder us in our much safer, more peaceful society. It no longer serves us to think of the worst-case scenario in every situation.

For example, in the past I lost a job, I spiraled, worrying about how I would pay my bills, how long it would take to find another job, and how the job market looked with so many companies laying off employees. What I forgot to consider in this situation was God’s plan. The next job came along, paid better, and offered more benefits. It put me on the right path for the next step. It all happened according to God’s plan. What I didn’t do in the moment was surrender. It was so much easier to get wound up in “what-ifs” and doomsday scenarios and forget that I was going to be just fine. I forgot that each challenge presents an opportunity to grow and learn.

Here’s another example. Please keep in mind I am looking at this situation with hindsight. It happened many years ago, so I can look back knowing the result. I am by no means discrediting how terrible things seem when you are going through them. I had been dating someone I thought was the love of my life for almost two years. Suddenly, he started acting strangely. I thought we were on the path to marriage, but he started pulling away. I felt terrible and didn’t know how to handle the situation. He went back and forth for months on what he wanted. At the time, I was not emotionally healthy enough to see that was my answer, so I hung on, hoping he would choose me. He didn’t. He eventually left for good, and I was a wreck. I remember thinking it was my last chance at love. (Ridiculous — I was 28 years old.) I wallowed and made bad decisions. It was not a great time in my life. I was living far from home, binge-watching Gilmore Girls for hours at a time, and letting my mind go to dark places.

I don’t criticize that journey; it was my path. It was where I needed to be at that time to learn my lessons. I absolutely did not surrender. I thought I could control things, that I could work it all out myself. Spoiler alert: things did not turn out the way I wanted them to — and thank God for that. Little did I know, the worst-case scenario I hadn’t even planned for would have been that relationship continuing, leading to marriage. I would have chosen to be with someone who wasn’t right for me, didn’t value me, and contributed to my insecurity. Nowadays, I shudder at the thought of how that would have been if it had worked out the way I wanted. I was hoping for what I wanted based on my very limited perspective. Sometimes God and the Universe know what’s best for us and guide us down the right path, even if we go kicking and screaming. These are just a few moments of the many moments from my past when I chose not to surrender.

Now, as I walk this path of spirituality and consciousness, I reflect on these experiences and wonder how much stronger my mental health might have been if I’d allowed myself to let go instead of resisting. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s pain—when you’re in it, the struggle is real and deeply challenging. Our minds are naturally wired to focus on what might go wrong instead of what could go right. But imagine how you might feel if you released the self-doubt and the urge to catastrophize. What if you surrendered to God, the Universe, and your life’s path? Rather than worrying about what might be, you could focus on what is. Think of the internal and professional growth you could experience with the extra time you have while preparing for your next career opportunity. Think about the exciting places you might explore, and the new experiences you could enjoy while single that you may one day share with a future partner.

Surrender is a conscious choice, and some days it can feel impossible. It requires intention, courage, and a willingness to trust in forces beyond our control. There will be missteps along the way, we’re only human, and the urge to resist can be strong. Yet, choosing to surrender—to release worry, embrace trust, and let go of the need for control—has transformed my life. It has allowed me to find a deep, lasting peace in situations that once stirred chaos and anxiety within me. In surrendering, I’ve discovered a freedom that allows me to move through life with greater ease, confidence, and an open heart.